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(via aryannikki)

I like being alone.

sweetestdownfall-:

I like drinking coffee alone, and reading alone.

I like riding the bus alone, and walking home alone.

It gives me time to think, and set my mind free.

I like eating alone, and listening to music alone.

But when I see a mother with her child;

A girl with her lover;

Or a friend laughing with their best friend;

I realize that even though I like being alone

I don’t fancy being lonely.

Still breathing.

“In this life, there are two things that I would love to believe. One, that there is one soul mate meant for everyone. And two, that I may be good enough to deserve that one person.”

(Source: quote-book, via sweetestdownfall-)

Please don’t be a pretentious ass just because you love Jesus and you think you have all the right answers.  #ItMakesPeopleHateYouAndJesus

We found love in a hopeless place.

So, beautiful

You waltzed right into my life like a dark cheetah and when you spun me around in the club, our hearts clicked in the right places.

Perhaps it was fate, the stars aligned and we met. Somewhat like a fairytale. it’s funny how people fall apart and other brief things fall briefly together, in brief. 

Having all the transient, stupid things that make up for amazing memories after.

The feeling of falling heads over heels for someone and have them feel the same. It’s been an emotional roller-coaster and I’m glad you’re with me for the ride.    

I honestly used to muse at how empty I feel sometimes- how paltry and shallow I feel sometimes. I feel thin as the veil separating my skin from the hot shower and the cold tang of air; feel as if everything I hold in my little heart and pool in the tips of my fingers is nothing but just little grabbings from this here that there, everything nothing, page of text typed in Helvetica size 48 so three words look like they fill up the page. 

At this point I feel ready enough to just take a leap; a leap of faith, off the cliff, off all what used to be holding me back. Logic tells me we’re gonna crash, but my hearts says We Can Fly. And fly we shall. 

Nights like these give me hope again. Sometimes I just feel absolutely alone in the world- just one sad little, nude-toned little puddle that deserves the feet that tread through it- but days like these remind me why it is good to smile. 

"We can only learn to love by loving."

Iris Murdoch (via eletheowl)

(Source: mentalgeller, via the-one-with-the-friends-blog)

"It hurts to let go. Sometimes it seems the harder you try to hold on to something or someone the more it wants to get away. You feel like some kind of criminal for having felt, for having wanted. For having wanted to be wanted. It confuses you, because you think that your feelings were wrong and it makes you feel so small because it’s so hard to keep it inside when you let it out and it doesn’t come back. You’re left so alone that you can’t explain. Damn, there’s nothing like that, is there? I’ve been there and you have too. You’re nodding your head."

Henry Rollins (via slekes)

(via sureliwirly)

FIRST OF 2012

I figure this whole new year thing is a bit overrated. 

Sure, it’s a good excuse to hold a rousing church service/ scream at some giant clock suspended amidst some expensive fireworks/ go for drinks- but (shoot me down with a new year’s firecracker but) I don’t think New Year’s is all that it’s made out to be, actually. 

It originated- and still serves- as a social construct. We need markers like this one to punctuate the sentences of our prosaic little lives. See we can’t get our heads around the idea of a “permanent salvation”- the idea that it doesn’t take the tolling of bells or the light at the end of an epic countdown to redeem us. We can be saved whenever we decide it; at the moment we ask for it. Why wait for December 31st? The “start afresh” card is at the top of the deck and we’re allowed to draw any time. 

…Or maybe we can’t ever really start afresh because unfortunately in this time and age and building everything counts, and everything snowballs; and in some twisted version of the Butterfly Effect everything you’ve ever done sparks off a long coiled wire of repercussions. Maybe you can’t ever really take a pair of shears and snip it off neatly in the middle. It doesn’t work that way. In which case- New Year’s would then really be Mankind’s desperate, pathetic little attempt to make ourselves believe that the switch of digits on our date analog display really could make any difference at all. Well, that, or a brilliant marketing brainchild of the night scene… congratulations. (Hey, the prospect of Bleak Hollow Repetition is always nicely numbed by a few neat shots… or a couple of vodkakes- yay- wow i miss that)

-

So what I’m trying to say is that maybe we don’t need a New Year’s at all. What we need is the belief that salvation is really a whenever, wherever kind of thing. You don’t have to wait for some stupid day to tell you that OK IN EXACTLY SEVEN MINUTES AND EIGHTEEN SECONDS TIME LIFE AS YOU KNOW IT WILL BE YOURS FOR THE TAKING—

it IS, it IS, and always has been, and always will be. Buy a journal and a Biro instead of a new year’s outfit. (or just all three, since I like new clothes) Write letters to people you haven’t caught up with in a while; instead of writing resolutions you won’t keep anyway. Start the ticker of your life ticking forward instead of counting down to some elusive new you that you pieced together vaguely from bits of magazines and movies. Raise a glass to the fact that you’re in control of how your life turns; not some pithy number on the calendar your insurance agent sent you. Btw thanks Prudential.

-

On a slightly lighter note,

It’s been a long time since I last sat down at a computer and actually wondered where my life was going. Free time for the past month at home alone was spent largely on reruns of Friends and conquering Skyrim.

I do miss blogging and expressing my emotions but yet, lately, my life has been comprised of nothing but setbacks and pain. Hardly anything is written nowadays mainly because hardly anything has been happy or worth writting about. I don’t want to come across as Emoboy90. Let me try being more optimistic with my posts yet keep it real.

-

Contemplating saving myself the guilt by not making any resolutions i can’t keep. 

1. Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.  If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you.  You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot.  Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth.  And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.

"Don’t wish me happiness. I don’t expect to be happy all the time… It’s gotten beyond that somehow. Wish me courage and strength and a sense of humor. I will need them all."

ANNE MORROW LINDBERGH

this cracked me up

Been playing pokemon all week.  

(Source: charzscars, via soundsofhearts)

The first, the one and only, Infantry.

Somewhere up there the Big Man is smiling.

It certainly has been awhile hasn’t it?

Just like that and I’ve completed my enhanced leadership Basic Military Training. (And no, it’s not one of those “oh-gosh-look-at-how-quickly-time-flies kind of moments.) Time passed excruciatingly slow. 

How glad I am that its all over.

I’ve marched 4km, 6km, 8km, 12km, 16km, 28km separately

I’ve STAYED in the jungle for a good 8 days. (5 days jungle, one day break, back to 3 days in the jungle) 

I’ve thrown an actual grenade.

I’ve fired over a hundred live 5.5mm rounds and countless blanks.

I realise.. explaining “NS-Stuff” to girls is such an arduous task. Try as they might they just don’t get it. And we men don’t bother talking about it to them either. (My commander once made this comment, “If a girl asks you what you do in the army: Girls don’t know a thing about army. The only few impressive vocations they know are an Officer, Commando and Pilot.” How true. 

Give me a lady and we’ll speak about liquor and love and other things like that, keep it light and casual. Throw me a fellow NS man and watch as we laugh, cry and just chat for hours about our lives being the bedrock of our army. 

Field Camp

Without a doubt. The WORST time any recruit will have in BMT. Five and a half days away from civilisation. Sounds rather meaner? Starters try, not brushing your teeth, or bathing after a full day exercising for the next five days. 

Taking a dump is done in a hole dug about a 1m deep. You shit on top of other people’s waste and cover it up with talcum powder. Imagine the smell of five days worth of over two hundred recruits shit in a hole. (Y)

Shell Scrape - Its a 2.5m (length) x 1m (width) x 1.5m (depth) coffin-shaped hole which recruits dig to sleep and take cover in. 

Life’s a bitch at times. Of all the spots allocated, I just had to get a spot with two separate ant nests. Woke up dozens of time with ants; 1cm long ants, all over me.

And it rained for total of 2 days and nights straight.

It’s amazing how we managed to find the simple things to keep us going. The simple realization that we are all ultimately the same. Different backgrounds, different beliefs, values and ethnicity counts for nothing. Gobbling down the damp rations of our meals, washing utensils with raindrops; holding our precious dear wife in our hands, cortex jackets over our heads, camouflage cream on our faces; grimacing while desperately weathering through the storm for hours. 

Wild boars, centipedes (gee these creatures are monsters. You can cut this bitch in half, squish the remains with your boot, skewer it, and it’ll still reign its ugly feelers trying to bite. The only way to kill this motherbitch is to sever its head from its body.), spiders, crickets, grasshoppers, fire ants. 

Yes. Mail. You may heard stories of this. On the day of enlistment, family and loved ones will be given a letter for them to write. This letter of encouragement and love will be handed to the recruit during his field camp. At his lowest moment.

My letter came in on the fourth day of my field camp. But that’s only after the MEGA-TEKAN session that you’ll receive. When I say MEGA i literally mean MEGA. They bring you down, not just physically but mentally and emotionally as well. The commanders bring you to a point where nothing in life matters anymore, you feel lowest of the low, the shittiest and most worthless you’ve ever felt about yourself. And yes, after that, they give you the letter of encouragement from your loved ones.

Imagine, the feelings, the overwhelming gamut of emotions that course through your veins and very soul.

I broke down and cried. I didn’t even read the what the letter said. I opened the envelope, and a picture of my family fell out. That was all it needed to bring me to my knees, weeping as I’ve never wept before. The love that I felt to and from them… is ineffable. I don’t know how to describe that feeling of gratitude and renewed strength. The power a simple photo can give. 

You are reminded, the very reason you are here in the army. The very reason why you’ve gone through and are going through all this shit. Not because you don’t have a choice, not because you had other options or such, but for the very simple reason that you are here because of your loved ones. 

To protect them. To let them sleep safe at night with the knowledge that they are watched over by us. 

Bang bang.

Men vs Nature

But yes. Finally. My days in Tekong are over.

Yet. My journey in the Singapore Air Force has just begun. 

If at some point we all succumb
For goodness sake let us be young
Because time gets harder to outrun
And I’m nobody, I’m not done

With a cool cool breeze and dirty knees
I rest on childhood memories
We all got old at breakneck speed
Slow it down, go easy on me
Go easy on me

Put a wetsuit on, come on, come on
Grow your hair out long, come on, come
Put a t-shirt on
Do me wrong, do me wrong, do me wrong
If it’s up and after you
What do you suppose that you would do?

You’re all whacked out from lack of sleep
You blame it on the friends you keep
You want to do things differently
And do them independently
We all got old at breakneck speed

Slow it down, go easy on me
Go easy on me

Put a wetsuit on, come on, come on
Grow your hair out long, come on, come
Put a t-shirt on
Do me wrong, do me wrong, do me wrong
Put a wetsuit on, come on, come on
Grow your hair out long, come on, come
Put a t-shirt on
Do me wrong, do me wrong, do me wrong

Does holy water make you pure?
Submerged your vision’s just obscured
You’re a lot like me
In up to our knees
In over your chest is way too deep

Put a wetsuit on, come on, come on
Grow your hair out long, come on, come
Put a t-shirt on
Do me wrong, do me wrong, do me wrong
Put a wetsuit on, come on, come on
Grow your hair out long, come on, come
Put a t-shirt on
Do me wrong, do me wrong, do me wrong